What to do...

It has been a LONG time... Things have changed drastically since my last post. I'm married, still in school, and struggling along in life unhappily. What happened?

Do you ever feel like you just make all the wrong decisions in life? I know I do. I'm in the worst place of thinking in the past and having no way to bring that past to the present. I'm still wondering why I was not accepted to Brighton those two summers I applied. I know Richard was around, but what is the deeper meaning?

I feel as though I've lost a limb. I've told this description to someone in my past to describe them as one that if I lost them as a friend or anything, it would be like losing a limb. I feel it's gotten to that point. I feel like such an idiot. I was ne'er clear, they were never clear. I knew their thoughts but at the time looked right past them as they were so hypocritical. Why couldn't I just get a simple straight answer. Why so much later am I stuck with the unhappy consequences. It was all right there in front of me and I was just a stupid girl. I'm still a stupid girl, but now with empty memories I dot know what to do with.

Would life be different? Would I still be struggling so much in school? Would I have gone in a mission? I can't help but look at the what ifs because I'm miserable. Old junior high/high school Clover thoughts are coming back again.

I don't know who will bother to read this, I just hope I'm not so easily read through this kind of vague speech as the one I am speaking of would read right through. That limb is hanging by a thread. Don't fall completely off just because I'm broken.

Hope for a better day...